It's been awhile

It's been awhile since my last entry. I've been neglecting this blog & parts of myself lately. I could come up with plenty of excuses...but that is what they would be....excuses. The fact is that I have been being lazy & not making time to do what I know NEEDS to be done. So slap me on the hand & kick me in the rear please.

Yesterday was DH & I 5th Wedding Anniversary. Congrats to us. I wanted to get him the new Sopranos video game & neglected to think past that gift. So I ended up making him dinner & desert instead. He went all out & got me new Digital camera & dock as well as 2 dozen red roses.

He was tired as he drove nearly 500 miles for work that day so he was crabby already. Then when I gave him a card & that was all (in his eyes) he got all mad & hurt. When I tried to explain to him that I wanted to get him the game & I really thought Wal-Mart would have it...but didn't he cut me off! When all I hear about is how we spend too much $$$ & how we need to cut back on our spending what was I supposed to do? When I try to talk to him about $$$ he gets weird & huffy & says "Just do whatever you want!" Then he told me "Well you never ASKED how much you could spend on a gift" & I told him WHY I didn't ask he went to bed. Giving me the silent treatment. I would like to say that today I am over it....but I am not. I KNOW I should have thought of something else. I take respnosibility for that. I AM A PIECE OF CRAP! OKAY ALREADY! I GET IT! I feel about an inch tall today. I literally just wanted & still want to just curl up in the bed & cry. Maybe I'll do that when he gets home from work. Yes, what a lovely anniversary we had. He doesn't act like gifts matter to him at all. I hear about how much gas is, how much $$$ we spend, etc. HOW do I TALK to this man?!?! I know we have a big communication issue & when I try to talk to him about fixing it...it goes in one ear & out the other. If I didn't love him SOOO much...all of this stuff wouldn't be bothering me.I tossed & turned all night. I am upset. I can't eat. I can't concentrate & at the moment I don't want to be touched...not even by my children. I REALLY want to just curl up in bed & cry myself to sleep. WHY? All over a crummy anniversary & how small I feel right now. At least I am NOT eating just fill my aching heart. I am NOT eating out of frustration or saddness. I very well could be stuffing my face with candy (which I have in the house) or chips (which I would have to drive to the store to get & I have done that before). I will be fine. I just have to work through this.